My Demi Story
People have been bullying me since 1st grade. It used to be not that bad, but things got really bad in 5th grade. Nobody liked me. I only had a few friends at my school. But at that time, i didn’t notice cause i was trying to block everything out so i wouldn’t get hurt. And i worked up until this year. I’m Marlene, 12 years old, 7th grade. Things this year have been absolutly terrible for me. I have become very insecure about myself. I feel like nobody likes me or cares about me. (except for my best friend who helps me.) I am not popular. No popular people like me. They are mean to me. This year I have also developed the habit of cutting. Sometimes I will stop myself and that’s because I will remind myself that i’m letting down my family,my best friend, and Demi. Demi has helped me so much. She has helped me stay strong on some of my worst days. And her story is so inspiring to me. And she makes me believe that one day, things will get better.
To This Day…
To this day, I still can’t believe that I could love somebody that I’ve never met so much…To this day, I can’t believe I could be inspired so much by a celebrity…To this day, I can’t believe that somebodies music could touch me so deeply and affect me so strongly…To this day I still can’t believe that I can find strength, courage and support from a celebrity (and fanbase) rather than anybody in the real world…
I remember writing fanfiction in 2008-2009 about Demi Lovato. Lots of “angsty one shots” that showed Demi struggling with self harm, ED, Depression, Bullying, abusive homelife/partners, Anxiety, Bipolar (etc.) because it was what I was dealing with. Demi Lovato for some reason touched me so deeply in 2008-2009 when I was 14-15, when I was suffering from all kinds of mental health issues in silence. Demi became my vessel of releasing my suffering into the literary world, as well as expressing unbridled emotion while playing her music.
To this day I don’t know why Demi Lovato is the one that I latched onto in the world of fandom but I’m glad I did…
When word got out that Demi went to rehab for emotional/psychological/personal issues I was shocked. All the things I wrote about Demi to express my struggles, turned out to be the very same struggles Demi herself was suffering.
Ever since then, Demi has become such a big part of my life, much bigger than before. Thanks to her I have finally found the courage to seek help, and I am now finally on a path to good health and hopefully happiness.
Right now things are still indescribably difficult, but I feel like I am closer than ever to my idol.
To this day I never thought that Demi Lovato and the ever-expanding Lovatics community would become the very inspiration, strength, courage and support during my own personal recovery. I can never thank her enough for what she has done for me and thousands of other girls around the world.
To this day I never thought my musical idol would be the one to make me feel like I was worth it, and teach me how to stay strong.
I could say about you, If I were to say everything I love about you.. Well we’d be here all day. You are my role-model, my hope when I need it and you.. you mean a heck of a lot to me. I have never gotten to the point of cutting or purging. But I had gotten depressed, It’s a long story that I won’t tell you but It leads me to a point where I just honestly was not happy at all. There was even a point I would cry myself to sleep every night, alone, sad. But you Demi YOU got me through it. You are SO incredibly, not just strong but fearless and caring. You got me through it, and thanks to you my skin is free of self harm, and my throat doesn’t ache from purging, I don’t feel the need to cry myself to sleep anymore. YOU saved ME. You saved me to going to those things. And for that I thank you. SO much. I love you and hope you will, Stay Strong
Demi checked herself into treatment around this time last year which will of made me around 12 when this was and I was having a rough time for the past years and I’ve loved demi since 2008 and it broke my heart what she had been through but I had been through a similar situation, I looked at everything regarding demi at that time and I realized I should help myself before anything happened and I got help. :). I told friends about what was happening and they helped me through it at first then I told my parents and they helped me along the line even more. So Demi, where ever you are doing what ever thank you so much, for telling your story and helping me on the line to recovery, I love you. Stay Strong.
My Demi story :)
Demi just inspires me to LOVE who i am. Not to pretend i love myself but actually do it. To look in the mirror and just smile at the beautiful woman smiling back. I never was able to be happy with who i was and i just constantly judge based on other girls who i thought were better than me. I don’t need to cut my wrists or starve myself because i’m not good enough. She shows me that i can do it and i am capable of doing it. Staying strong and being who i am. i love her because she helped me to love myself.
Well Here I Go…
I wrote this for english today and thought I’de share it…
“No one ever said life would be easy. I wish it was. Doesn’t everyone though? I mean people go through hard times. While my life… It has been the epitome of distress and in other cases torture. Growing up I was always the… Diffident character of the group as you would say. I was shy and that didn’t help when I moved 3,000 miles across the country to New York. I was there for a long time, and just as I started making friends I ended up moving back to my home town. My friends that I’ve known for what it seems like forever forgot about me and I had to start a new. Of course that was three years ago and now I am the girl who has changed for better on the outside in some ways, and for worse on the inside. The last year just had a passionate dislike for me and how I ran my life. My grandpa passed just 5 months ago and that’s basically when everything started going at a terminating downward velocity.
My grandpa fought 5 long years with Pancreatic cancer. He was the foundation to my grandmothers life. Now I’m worried how she’ll handle not being with him after 55 years of being passionately intertwined in love. I watched my grandpa die a slow and painful death. The last word he ever said to me was, “I love you too sweetie.” That was before he had a stroke that took his voice. That lead to depression, self-hate, suicidal nightmares, and other problematic ideals that most teen girls go through. Months of depression can really get inside a person’s head (It’s amazing what you can hide just by putting on a smile). An everyday battle of looking in a untruthful mirror (it doesn’t show you what’s inside). Stuck in a routine of little sleep, many tears, along with a stressful day. Maybe I’m thinking too much.
People always say it gets better. It’s hard to believe that statement when I’ve been like this for over 8 months. Of course things have gotten worse within the past summer because I had the chance to sit back and think about every little thing. Every day, moment, choice, and thought, running through my mind like a freight train. Unstoppable, unbeatable, but very repeatable. Some day (I wanna wake up feeling beautiful and know that im ok). But I guess I won’t know that as soon as I want to. As a matter of fact, I don’t see that happening. I’ll work through the bumps and bruises like I always have, trying to stay strong no matter what day, time, or place. For tomorrow is a new day that hopefully is better than all the yesterday(s).”
Well thats it, I didnt want to talk about any self harm because my teacher would report it. So to be more clear. My problems mostly started when I was 11 and I figured out that my mom cheated on my dad. Knowing all the lies for 5 years can really get inside your head. That made me get depressed. And you know during ur depressions you pick out your flaws and start recognizing them more and more. I was bullied because I was the geeky girl with glasses, pimples, and always had my hair back, and I always wore the same clothes. People made fun of me. They would even call me pizza face. That made me go on a medicine that I dont think was necessarily very healthy for me. I had to take blood tests every two weeks and pregnancy tests every month. It was awful. But my skin is clear now, i wear contacts, and I refuse to put my hair up. Those memories stay in my head and i feel ugly whenever I dont wear make-up, have my hair perfectly straight, etc. I can ever leave the house now without make-up on. Of course it bothers me. I have self-harmed. recently I broke a 6 month clean streak. I feel like I mutilated my arm more than ever. I’ve gone to a psychiatrist once but my mom is trying to work it out again money wise. So far i kno I have depression, suicidal nightmares, anxiety, self-hate, self-harm, bi-polar, and I may have an eating disorder. I cry myself to sleep every night. I’ve thought about suicide many times. Thinking that all the pain should end and that the world would be better off without me. I could never trust myself with a blade next to me and not touch it or run it across my skin. My life is horrible. But im trying to make it better. Demi has prob. saved my life numerous times. I cant even say how much she means to me. Everything about her is inspiring. I went to her concert a month ago and it was the best and greatest night of my entire life. I always wish I could replay that night over and over again. Cuz thats the happiest I’ve been in 10 months.
(I hope I didnt bore you with my life story, i cut it down alot)
Demi inspires me so much because after everything that happened to her, after everything she had to go through, the pain, the heartache, the lies, the deception, she is showing everyone how strong she is. When I was in H.S I got bullied BAD! To the point where I was ready to take my life…the day I was going to do it…I had everything ready….the note….the pills, the knife, the rope…..when Skyscraper came on the radio for the first time….I dropped the stuff and fell to my knees. Tears fell from my cheeks. I stayed like that for hours…she made me realize that I can be strong also. I don’t need to take my own life. I can get through this with some help just like she did. I admire her so much. She is my hero and idol. I thank God for putting her in my life, to show me and many other people to stay strong<3 Thank you for putting this submission page up :’) I love it! Thank you for reading. :’)
My whole life no one has truly understood me. I always feel like I don’t belong, like I’m just a mistake. Sometimes it’s like the Earth itself is against me. Making my life as miserable as possible; Seeing how I feel and turning every situation around to make me feel like I don’t matter to anyone. Every day I think it would be so much easier to just put an end to everything that I am. How all the pain, all the frustration could be over in an instant. I don’t though. Every time I get close to doing it, I think about Demi and all the others like her. I think about how much pain that they’re in and how strong they are. That gives me strength. It gives me courage. It makes me realize that no matter how bad things may be or get that there are people out there who are just like me, maybe even worse, and understand the pain that I’m in. I made the decision that I wouldn’t let the world bring me down again. Even if it hits me harder than usual I’ll keep fighting. I’m not going to be the one who loses. I’m stronger than that. I have to be.
When I was nine years old, I was bullied by a girl in my year. I thought she was my friend and she bullied me into what she called her “fit club” which three other girls were in. The other three didn’t have a problem with it really but I have always had really bad asthma so I really struggled with some of the things we were told to do. When I couldn’t run six laps around the playground without pausing for breath, she would make me do even more laps. One day she didn’t. She made me sit in the corner of the playground and count to 100 before I could join in again. I couldn’t stop crying, I felt like I had to please her, I’d let myself down. I thought I couldn’t do it because I was unfit.
Thankfully, the bullying was sorted out, but sadly this was just the start of me and my struggles. I was still only nine years old and was finding any excuse to exercise. My parents were very protective though so I wasn’t allowed off my street so I’d run laps around my garden, pushing myself until I was dehydrated. I’d ride my bike up and down my street until I couldn’t feel my legs.
This stopped when I lost motivation and realised how awful I was at sports. When I was 11 though, I started secondary school. We had PE and I remember that when I was getting changed in front of everyone else, I felt fat. Just fat. I’d strive to become skinnier than they were and would often, in my head, compete with one girl to be thinner than she was. I didn’t mean to but I think, looking back, I developed somewhat of an eating disorder. I’d try and eat as little as possible and would lie to my mum and say I couldn’t eat anymore of my tea because I was too full or because I felt sick.
I got over being skinny when I looked in the mirror and saw bone, no curves or anything. I looked like a ten year old still, even at fourteen years old. I’d eat compulsively and eat junk food to try and put weight back on so that I could look curvy and womanly, like most other girls looked by that age.
When I was twelve years old, I self harmed for the first time, using cheap metal bracelets, I’d had enough of feeling upset and worthless so I just pushed them down on my skin and pulled back. There was no blood, but it hurt. A lot. I started to cry, which led me to cut more. I was sick of crying, crying when I was upset, crying when I was angry, crying myself to sleep every night. I didn’t think I had a reason to cry, so now that I’d inflicted pain on myself, I could cry-I had a reason. This soon spiralled out of control and I would harm myself by cutting and scratching myself, even using pins to cut my skin when I was sad, when I was angry. For any little reason I could find really.
By the time I was fifteen/sixteen and Demi came out about her battles with herself, I realised how unhealthy it was to live that way. I actually wanted to get better. She inspired me and made me realise that it was okay to go through all of this, it was NORMAL to feel this way. I’m still too scared to tell people, only one other person knows about the full extent of my problems. I was sick of crying, sick of not being able to feel any other emotion but sadness-sometimes I wasn’t even capable of that. I was tired of being tired and tired of feeling worthless.
Demi Lovato taught me that, even though I am still quite scrawny and maybe not obviously pretty, that I am beautiful. I am worthy! I have a reason to smile, to live and to laugh. Now I’m seventeen and I’m at a really good place in my life. I do still have bad days like everyone and have relapsed several times but it’s now been almost five months since I harmed myself (the longest I’ve gone was six months) and I’m living a healthy lifestyle.